i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
