"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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