He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
