My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
