She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
