Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
