Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
