the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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