He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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