who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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