i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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