I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize