i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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