I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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