so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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