well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
