planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
