I look better un-naked...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
