He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
