So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
