Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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