Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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