Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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