My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
