last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
