He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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