I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
