my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
