i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
