I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
