There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
