So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
