i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
