MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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