You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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