Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
