My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
