My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
