i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
