just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
