Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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