just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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