i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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