i don't like sucking hair
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
