i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize