dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
