Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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