Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
