We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
