id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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