he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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