I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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