So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
