nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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