I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
