piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize