My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
