I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
