Christians are straight up FREAKS
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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