Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
