I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
