so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
