he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
