And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
