Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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