Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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