I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
