The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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