Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize