I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
