I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
