Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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