I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize