If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
