I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
zippers are such a cool invention
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This is classic penis vs brain.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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