hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
